I used to have a MySpace. That is, until my inbox was inundated with messages from sexy women claiming they were new to town and wanted to meet me, but only if I visited their website. This really annoyed me, so I would frequently write back to them:
“Hello Denise (or any other oddly trashy sounding name), I would like to meet you as well. However, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I’m a sex offender. But the good news is that I’m registered! Also, you look a lot like the last girl I molested. Let me know when we can meet!”
I never got a response.
Also, it seems like these messages are even carrying over to cell phones. Once I even got a text message from one of those services that said, “Text me back if you’re looking for a good time.” Well, I am always looking for a good time (for the record, my idea of a “good time” consists of eating ice cream, riding roller coasters, and catching fireflies). So then my friend asked me who I was texting, and I was like, “idk, my bff chastity?”
I guess it’s not all bad though. I did meet my new girlfriend through text messaging. I just hope we can finally meet someday…and that she’ll stop charging me $2.99 per text.
May 27, 2008 at 12:52 am
hi.
i randomly found your blog while searching for “wisdom tooth removal”… obviously it brought me to a previous post.
i just had to let you know that i think you are hilarious. and i’ve gone through and read pretty much everything you’ve written.
i am your new internet stalker.
June 25, 2008 at 4:21 am
Holy hell, same here. Only I was googling ‘abortion in sign language’. D: