I was raised Catholic and had to go to CCD every week up until 9th grade. To this day, I still do not know what CCD stands for. My neighbor told me that it stood for “Central City Dump,” but in reality it was so much worse than that.
The teachers were just volunteers who loved Jesus and had no idea how to control a classroom. I remember the only thing that one of my teachers could do to control us was to yell, “Cool your dules!” Then everyone laughed at her because nobody knew what that meant.
My 4th grade CCD teacher was this old man who informed us that God didn’t love gay people, which I thought was ironic, because he really liked to touch me. (Hey, I’m a jokester).
Then in 5th grade we had a lady come in to brainwash us talk to us about abortion and show us pictures of dead babies. This was really confusing for me, because I didn’t even learn about sex until 6th grade, so I had no idea where all those dead babies came from. I just thought people were randomly killing babies, so of course I was against abortion.
This picture actually makes me want to kill babies.
Already born ones.
Then I finally got confirmed in 9th grade and haven’t been back to church since. Am I going to hell? Yes, but it’s not because I don’t go to church. It’s because I make fun of retarded people.
And I need to cool my dules.
Tags: abortion, cool your dules, jesus, religion
